Thursday, November 17, 2011

An Abusive Marriage.......

A few days ago I read Kristan's (Confession of a Cookbook Queen) story. Her story of abuse made me want to speak up and tell mine.  She helped give me the courage to do so.  I thought, maybe I could help someone by sharing my story as well.

I'm a very open person. I usually am a "tell all" kinda girl.  But when it came to this, I didn't tell too many people.  Now, I will speak up so that it may help others.

I got pregnant when I was just 17.  It wasn't your normally "oops" kinda pregnancy. It was one the boy that I loved and I planned. A few months into the pregnancy and he left.  All I wanted was to be loved and have a family, so when I started dating a guy I knew, it was what I expected.

I had known him a while and thought he was great. He was kind to my baby, who at the time was just about ten months old. We eventually moved in together and things quickly changed. He became a jealous, controlling man in no time.  He was jealous that I had a baby with someone else, so I decided to give him one of his own.

Pregnant with our first daughter he was furious that we were having a girl. To him it wasn't fair that he wasn't going to have a son. He would wake in the middle of the night in fits of rage and jealously. Accusing me of things and kicking me against the wall. I can't get into his accusations as they are too personal for young readers. They were sexual in nature. I assure you that I was a very faithful and did everything he asked.  Things just kept getting worse.

I left and went back home to my mothers.

Things got better as they usually did for a while and he promised to change. I went back to him and we married. Things weren't any different.  A few years later I was pregnant again....with another girl. Things didn't get better, things got worse.

I was required to have sex daily, keep the house perfect, and do as he told me.  When he came home from work the dryer was checked to be sure that there was no laundry left inside.

He called me lazy, called me a whore among other things. I wasn't allowed to have hobbies that interfered with doing anything for him.

I left him several times but always went back several months later.  I just didn't want to be a single mom. I felt like who would want me with three kids. After the birth of our second daughter I had my tubes tied so that another child wouldn't be born into this abuse.

My kids witnessed him calling me degrading names, throwing my stuff outside the door, and my son has attempted to save me from the physical abuse at a very young age.

One day he tried to choke me and I scratched his chest getting him off. My son jumped on his back trying to get him off of me. I had enough and called the police.  They wanted to arrest him, but the scratches meant I would get arrested too. I didn't care. I said arrest me too. But when I found out they wouldn't wait for my mother to come get my children and they would go to foster care, I declined pressing charges against him.

I felt helpless and I felt to blame.

In my eyes the abuse was directed toward me and my fault.  I felt I must not have been a good enough wife and that was why he treated me that way. There was always an excuse for the abuse, and it was always my fault.

I stayed for ten long years......that was when he started directing his hatefulness towards my son. My son came down with a stomach virus. His vomiting was disturbing my ex-husband sleep. He told me to keep him outside until 5 am when he gets up for work. That was it! It was the last straw! I would rather be alone, even if I was worthless and no one would want me with three kids. We would be happy and safe somewhere else. I left and never looked back.

And for the record, someone very much wanted me......took me a few years but I met a wonderful man. He told me I was a princess and should be treated like one. He meant what he said and treats me like every bit of one. We married a year after dating a year.  We had my tubes untied and had two beautiful baby girls, which he is very happy to have.

Every day that goes by I am so glad I got the strength and courage up to get my kids and I out of that situation.  It was a hard and scary thing to do, but we are safe. We are in a kind loving home and we don't have to be afraid or sad anymore.


  1. I am truly touched by your honesty and heart. I can't imagine what you went through but I am glad that you found real love and learned to trust and love again. Thank you so much for sharing this I am sure there are others who will be so blessed by your testimony xx Sending you a big hug from the UK from a fellow baker xx

  2. I understand. Thank you for your courage to share. May it help others to know it is not their fault and they can leave.

  3. You are such a courageous person to share such a personal story to us. It is never easy to get out of an abusive relationship but you did and God has blessed you with a wonderful husband and family. I hope that your post helps others who are in abusive relationships to know that they are not alone and it is not the end, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

  4. Your story sounds so much like mine. I was in an abusive relationship for 7 LONG years with a meth addict. I FINALLY got the courage to leave and never look back (after trying to leave for 5 years.....unsuccessfully). I'm now married to a man that treats me like a queen and we have a beautiful baby boy after getting my tubes "untied".

    Thank you for sharing your story! I know it will help someone else in a similar situation! :)

  5. You are such an amazing woman for standing up and taking care of yourself and your children. It doesn't matter if it happened on day 1 or day 10, did it. I was teary after reading Kristan's story and I am again after reading yours. I am so happy a man cme into your life who treats you and your children they way you deserve. Thank you for sharing.